Welcome back to Texas… come, enjoy the scenery, meet the locals and their shiny power-tools, they are very keen to get acquainted with you…
So somebody, somewhere thought we needed another ‘sequel’ to Tobe Hooper’s seminal 1974 cult classic horror.
Director John Luessenhop at least has the decency to recognise that none of the existing sequel, prequel, or ‘reboots’ were anything like as good as the original, but has he made this 3D follow on a worthy successor?
In a word, no. Texas Chainsaw 3D might have an opening credit sequence featuring some of the key ‘kills’ from the first film but this only serves to highlight the gulf in quality between the two.
This brutal-but-dim cash in tells the tale of young Heather (Alexandra ‘Percy Jackson films’ Daddario) who inherits a huge Texan estate owing to her being a blood relative of the original chainsaw cannibal family, the infamous Sawyer clan.
But Heather isn’t the only surviving Sawyer – chief chainsaw-wielding, other people’s face-wearing, murderous man-child Leatherface, this time played by Dan Yeager, is somehow living happily in the basement of the house she inherits.
What, you think it’s unlikely that a 6ft 5ins homicidal lunatic could live for 20 odd years undetected in his grandma’s house? Where’s your imagination?
Anyway, along with Heather the nubile teen victims include her boyfriend Ryan (Trey Songz), plus pals Nikki (Tania Raymonde) and Kenny (Keram Malicki-Sanchez).
The plot goes into predictable slaughter mode and limps along unconvincingly. The unnecessary 3D is mostly used to show off the girls’ figures – literally some shots of dialogue are from behind a hotpant-clad Raymonde whose derriere fills the screen – or for obvious ‘it’s coming out the screen’ chainsaw shots.
The plot climaxes with redneck Mayor (Paul Rae) taking on Leatherface one on one and that’s where the plot tries for one last twist which asks us to root for the fabled baddie.
Filmmakers remaking or adding sequels to horror franchises should take careful note: gruesomeness does not equal scariness.
Not even cameos from the original Leatherface (Gunnar Hansen) and Chop Top (Bill Mosley) from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2 can lift proceedings.
In the end this is one Chainsaw that should have been left in the packaging…