Farming Matters: Thinking of marrying a farmer? Read this first

Heather's husband with his first love - his tractor!
Heather's husband with his first love - his tractor!

Life as a farmer’s wife is quite a unique experience, and for those of us who join the club from a non-farming background it can take quite a bit of getting used to!

Now, after decades of marriage I take it in my stride, but anyone considering marriage to a farmer might like to take note of the following hilarious observations.

I found them on and I have to declare, in my case at least, every single point is true. Here goes:

1. You’ll never ever go on holiday in August again. Or April. Or in fact any month when anything remotely agricultural is happening which, let’s face it, is most months.

2. The only lie in you’ll ever have will be on your honeymoon.

3. Having said that, you’ll probably not get a honeymoon, well not a proper one like other people seem to have, because two weeks in Mauritius will always clash with harvest. Or sowing. Or calving.

4. You’ll find strange things in pockets when you’re doing the laundry, like baler twine, wheat seed or component parts of devices for worming sheep.

5. Your spouse will always have some sort of discolouration on their body somewhere, whether from animal marking spray, iodine dip or the odd bruise from an overly lively animal. You’ll convince yourself it’s part of the attraction.

6. An offer of a day out always appears to coincide with the Cereals or Livestock Events, market day or a farm open day. Strange, that ...

7. You think the British are dominated by the weather? Well British farmers are obsessed by it. Don’t dare speak during the weekly Countryfile weather forecast on BBC1.

8. You’ll discover a new language full of heifers, staggers, gilts and rhynchosporium.

9. You’ll become adept at the art of flexible cooking. That is, preparing food that can keep indefinitely without spoiling while your other half finishes lambing that ewe, or ploughing that last field.

10. But most of all you’ll learn you are never, never in control - Mother Nature, the weather and Sod’s law is. But as long as you can stay positive, keep talking and maintain your sense of humour, you and your spouse will overcome all these obstacles!

So there you have it - life with a farmer in all its glory.

I found this on a new website created by livestock farmer Dan Luff and his schoolfriend Jamie McInnes, a web developer and entrepreneur.

Together they have created an online livestock market, quite a unique idea in this country. They’ll be talking about it at the Livestock Event 2014 at Birmingham NEC next month.

No doubt my husband and I will have a day out there.