‘Bar Engelbert, it’ll be a summer to remember ...’

I HAVE been away on holiday this week.

Burglars please note I will be back by the time you read this. Printers with mates who are burglars and web users, please note that I haven’t decided when I am coming home yet.

One of the very few down sides to living in Thame is that it is about as far away from the seaside as you can possibly get in this country.

Whichever way you head you face at least a couple of hours on the road before you can huddle behind your windbreak with a blanket over your knees, crouch over an optimistic ice cream and say things like ‘It looks a bit brighter over that way, which way are the clouds moving?’

As I write this the rain is lashing against the window and rather ruining the Jubilee celebrations. On telly Her Majesty is waving regally at a procession of kagoules onboard a flotilla of boats. I have the sound down so can only presume she is giving the Royal Seal of Approval to Milletts. Still it could be worse, she could have to listen to Gary Barlow and his mates for three hours once she warms up and dries out tomorrow.

Me? I’m hoping that the rain clears up long enough to allow me to dash out and get a Euro 2012 Wallchart from somewhere so I can see for myself which of the clever paths ‘Woy Hodgson’ has plotted to let us exit the competition. Most England managers have either left major tournaments after a dubious red card, a noble defeat or a moment of controversy that unjustly sent us home.

I just wonder, though, whether this summer might be a golden one for this country?

Whisper it but I have quietly enjoyed the Jubilee weekend, despite the weather. The Olympics will be a spectacle, even if it can’t possibly live up to the hype, and perhaps an England team playing without the huge weight of great expectations they usually carry might just set the tone for the summer ahead.

Stewart Downing, the Prince Edward of the squad, may turn into an unlikely hero and once captain Wayne Rooney (the only senior player fit enough to go up the steps) lifts the trophy he will set a precedent for Andy Murray to win Wimbledon, our Olympic athletes to win enough gold to save modern Greece and for our Queen of 60 years to beam graciously down on our nation and whisper to Philip “Everyone has done jolly well. Let’s just try and put poor Engelbert behind us. This has been a summer we will all remember.”

(Simon, if the burglars have taken my TV can I pop round yours and watch it all? Cheers).